The trauma of looking for work and finding daycare

The last few weeks have been pretty stressful. I had a job interview and have spent the earlier weeks lining up daycare, just in case. Having been a stay-at-home mom for 2 years, the thought of putting my child in day care is frightening. Not because I do not think my child will adjust, but because I have had a horrible experience when I was about 4 years old. I never spoke about it until I was in high school. At 4, I was too young to have the words to talk about the experience and as a teenager, I was afraid no one would believe me or maybe my memory was not correct. Here I am almost 36 years old and I can still see his face.

My grandparents retired shortly after that and they became our primary care givers. Dustin does not have that luxury because my parents still work. I think having family take care of child is much less frightening as a parent because you are never leaving them with strangers. Many parents have their children in daycare and I know their children are perfectly fine.

After a long drawn out process, I did except the position and have started my new job this week. Dropping Dustin off the first day was difficult for me, but now, I no longer cry on my way to the car or on my way to the office. Where did all this feeling come from? I thought my heart was black.

Today is day three, I am already getting calls that my child is sick and I need to come pick him up. Luckily, the call came at 5:15 Pm and I was about to pack up, anyway. He had a fever of 99 degrees when they called and by the time I got there, it had reached 99.8 degrees. Since I cannot take anytime off for 3 months, Rob is responsible for taking care of our son in the event that he is sick. Not that Rob cannot handle it, I am stressed because it is usually my role as the momma; part of my identity to Dustin and the one he asks for. I am experiencing a lot of sadness having to give up some of this to Rob.

The good news is this morning was the first day I arrived at the office feeling relaxed and confident that I could make it through the day. Being in an office all day is a bit confining after having the freedom to go to the park or where ever I want for 2 years. However, I am enjoying the camaraderie of being part of an office and having grown-ups to talk to. Just trying to take it one day at a time and be patience with myself. Going back to work has been a huge change, but in the end it will have been worth it. Well, at least, that is what I tell myself. ;)

3 comments to The trauma of looking for work and finding daycare

  • Such a tough transition!! But, conratulations on your new job!! I am glad you are enjoying it. Dustin will probably be on and off sick for the next two-three months. It sucks, but it is part of the process. Bresho had SO many ear infections during the first few months at daycare, they almost have to operate. But now, it is much better (knock on wood). I hope things will keep working out and that you enjoy your role as a working mom. Exciting!
    andrea´s last [type] ..sailor birthday party part 1

  • Just come across your blog via link on Andrea’s (above comment). It is a hard, hard decision to leave your child with strangers when you go back to work. If you don’t have family nearby (i don’t either) then you have no choice but it still sucks. Well done you for having made the jump and it does get easier and easier. Your working life/home life start to fit round each other somehow. Be prepared for a wobble moment about 2 months in. All the mums I know have gone through it, myself included, where you think you have made the wrong choice. Stick with it, talk to other working mums if you can and it will all fall into place.
    Anna´s last [type] ..To a great dad

  • Anna, Hello. Thank you very much for writing. Your comment could not have come at a better time. Right now, I am definitely questioning if this was the right thing to do. Torn between the joy of going to work and the sadness of not being able to do all the things I used to. Again, thank you!!

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